operation harelip BJ is a go
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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