I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bring me that man meat
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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