You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
