Just fell off a train. Bad.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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