You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
