I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
