I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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