I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
