If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize