so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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