Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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