he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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