that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
