Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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