I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
