Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
