and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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