so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
