my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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