I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
