I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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