I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
