you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
