hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She bit a glass in half.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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