Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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