Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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