if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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