a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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