I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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