Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
