The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
