Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
