I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Non-Jews are for practice
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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