Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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