Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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