I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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