my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
pray to the hookup gods
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
