I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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