Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
