I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
