What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
