All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
