he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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