i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
