That's when you crack a 10am beer
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
