I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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