you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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