Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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