we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
