Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
