I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
