my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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