Just cropdusted the office
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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