i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
