Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
