i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
