The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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