i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
