So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
