Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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