why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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