I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
