You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
