At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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