I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
