You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
