Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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