Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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