I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
