69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize