he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
