and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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